Valentines Day Massacre 2011

Valentines Day is a crock of poopoo. I do firmly believe that if you love someone, it should be everyday, not one day.Surprise your honey with flowers every once in a while - not just on Feb 14. It keeps the ball rolling! Valentines Day is just another money making excuse, really, it is. Yet, I can't help but feel a little sad on this day when people receive candy and flowers and show love and affection to each other. One way or another, I think we all can relate to that.

Feb. 14, 2011 was also the day of a very dreaded doctor's appointment.

After cancer scare #1, I was diagnosed in mid Oct. with Stage 1 Cirrhosis of the liver (Ironic since I don't drink, I know). It is in the very early stages so there is not much I could do. I was told no vitamins or supplements of any kind and to keep a low salt/low iron diet to slow the progression of the disease. Easy for me.

I still have my pain and 'attacks' as I call them. Still vomiting every now and again as well (not to be gross). One morning, I woke up feeling not as great as I could of felt but fine none-the-less.. until I started vomitting blood (sorry!) Haha...
Anyway, to make a long story short... that day I was then diagnosed with a bleeding ulcer (which comes to no shock to me as I've had MAJOR anxiety the last few months) and NAFLD (Non-Alcholic Fatty Liver Disease)....and a growth on my liver. What else is new? Really?

I don't have many people in my life for support, not even family. I was always verbally and physically abused by my father and brother growing up and even to this day, have not been treated well by men.

This is a time in anyone's life where support and love is needed. If you truly care about someone, you would be there for them. Period. There should never be excuses, especially when someone is going through this type of thing.

I always count on this one person in my life. This person was my rock. The only person I can ever come to for support. Like, I said, men tend to treat me with disrespect and that's exactly what this individual has done. He has put me through utter hell these past few months but keep promising he will be there and that he cares. I fell right into his trap. A guy's trap. A guy's trap in using and taking advantage of girls.I just can't believe I fell into it. I'm usually a lot smarter then that. I just don't believe why people have to lie about things.. the littlest things to. That is wrong with this world, no one can ever be honest. Why do you think I have the word "Trust" tattooed on the back of my neck?
This person PROMISED me (yes, again) that he would be there for my appointment. I was extremely scared and nervous about these results and needed someone to be there. I have this new tendency to pass out and (Megan knows about that! Sorry!) so I just needed support and comfort. Who doesn't?

Did he come? No. His excuse? his dad and brother were sick w/ colds. Um... What exactly does that have anything to do with this? Typically guy - yet, I always fell for it. I should of seen it when I don't ever even get asked how I'm feeling. If you care.. you care.

I can't do that anymore. This person doesn't care about me and I just have to learn to be strong and except that.

Needless to say, this did not help calm my nerves about seeing the doctor. I'm upset, and scared to type more so here is the break down of everything. Let's just hope I can get through it...alone.

Stage 1 Cirrhosis
NAFLD

Hepatocellular Adenoma
Hydatid Cyst (treatment involves chemotherapy)
Pre-Cancerous Liver

I'm not going to dive into what these conditions are exactly. I honestly just don't want to get into. Look it up if you want.

I just got to learn to enjoy life and keep trying to go about my regular routine (which I think I'm doing a good job doing that and hiding the pain)

Don't take people...or life.. for granted.